Vegan Democracy Sausages: for the people… but hopefully not made of the people… #snagvotes #soylentgreen?

Vegan MoFo
Week 4: 21st-27th November 2016 Memories & Traditions
22nd: Silly food โ€“ What are some silly food traditions/memories you have?

DEMOCRACY SAUSAGES.
Content warning: strong language and silliness.

When I was a kid, primary school fetes and fairs were the domain of the gourmet af “sausage on a piece of bread” but that traditional classy food seems to have shifted to polling booths on election days.

In recent times, a website for locating Democracy Sausages has emerged and it has a function to help find polling booths that have vegetarian options! In Australia, democracy is for everyone, even filthy vegan socialists.

The western shift towards fascism and humouring bullshit-spewing fascist/capitalist asshats has been getting a lot of my friends down… and fair enough, too. Being a hypocritical, nasty fuckwit with the worst hair implants of all time is not okay. For tips on insulting your less-than-illustrious political leaders, and I know some places in the world are less familiar with this concept, please consider viewing these Australian demonstrations for beginners: “dickhead” and “bunch of wankers

If you think capitalism doesn’t work – hell, if you think democracy doesn’t work because the free market is a violent class war being waged against middle-to-lower classes by the filthy rich – remember: in Australia at least, we get a greasy snag to calm our nerves on election day, if not from a polling booth, then we can fry up our own sausage-on-a-piece-of-bread comfort food in our own homes with our dearest Comrades… and it certainly helps that vegan sausages are almost universally amazing these days. I hope some of our Comrades in other lands will consider adopting this delightful election day comfort food!

It is quite a tricky food to master, so here’s a step-by-step pictorial guide…

1. Get a piece of shitty floppy soft bread. The whiter, the better. Cheap supermarket “wholemeal” bread is also acceptable providing it’s gluten-rich, soft and pliable. Do not toast it or try to do anything clever with the piece of bread. This is neither the time nor the place. The beauty of this food is in its simplicity.

bread and bonus cat

Bonus kitteh!

Optional: if you’re feeling fancy, put a spread on it: plant-based margarine. But that’s it. Don’t go any fancier than that or you’ll ruin it. No bean dips or any such nonsense. This isn’t cocktail hour at The Ritz.

2. Fry or BBQ some vegan sausages. You’ll need tongs for this. If you don’t have tongs, don’t bother. Tongs are essential, even if they’re shitty salad tongs like you see here… shameful, I know, but it’s the best I could do after moving. Tongs, mate. That’s how you turn a snag on the grill.

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3. Put the browned sausage on the bread.

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4. Tomato sauce. Do a line of it. Nothing more, nothing less.

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Okay, an optional addition: well-browned, maybe slightly-burnt fried onion, but if the political situation is dire, you might not have time for that.

5. Pick it up, rolling the bread slightly. (If you’ve toasted the bread or bought fancy sourdough like some kind of wanker, at this point you’ll be fucked as.)

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Don’t be a dickhead. There are lives at stake. Eat it while it’s hot and vote as far left as possible. “Is this left enough?” you may ask… probably not, Comrade. Got any lefter? Maintain the rage. Perhaps even break out a ouji board and try to summon a spectre to haunt Europe โ€” the spectre of communism. You have nothing to lose but your chains.

Okay, that’s fine, you’ve been rereading Marx, we get it, quit embarrassing yourself… but what if it’s not an election day? Can I still do democracy sausages? Can I mix it up?

Well, alrighty, I suppose it’s okay to go a bit wild and add some other bits and pieces… apologies in advance for the heresy… but if you’re okay with a bit of tweaking, read on.

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Served with French fries – aka hot chips that are way too skinny – and some Asian spinach topped with sauerkraut and miscellaneous salady bits.

… and here’s where it gets really wild…

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What… what have I done?

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Oh, the horror. I can only hope that my children will forgive me some day.

Yeah, nah.

Democracy sausages are silly as hell, we all know it.

Australia, my dear, my home – free medical care* aside, you are bloody ridiculous.

๐ŸŽถ… For those who’ve come across the seas
We’ve boundless plains to share…
๐ŸŽถ
#bringthemhere
#safetyforall
*for now

vegan month of food

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Lemon Coconut Slice… aka Something To Do With Sweetened Condensed Coconut Milk

Vegan MoFo
Week 4: 21st-27th November 2016 Memories & Traditions
21st: Favourite memory โ€“ Whatโ€™s your favourite ever food memory? Recreate it.

Moving is so boring and time-consuming, but I’ve managed to keep up with MoFo (I think..?) over at my Instagram… with some yummy bakery items and quick meals.

Recently I grabbed a can of sweetened condensed coconut milk from the Asian grocery store. One of my friends has been telling me to make crushed iced dessert to pour it over, ร  la the $1 bowls I’ve had in night markets in south-east Asia, that often also things like contain fruit, corn, and red beans… which is a great idea! But I thought I’d go with a less great idea…

Junky junk!

One of my favourite treats when I was wee lass was Lemon Coconut Slice. It’s pretty daggy, all sugar, crushed biscuits, and sweet milky gunge, a bit 80s… so a fancy hipster retro slice, I guess! (And it only used half a can of sweetened condensed coconut milk so I can still do the crushed ice thing another time!) For all you non-Australians out there: Nuttelex = plant-based margarine = something akin to Earth Balance.

I used this recipe as a place to start.

For the biscuit base, I used:

1/2 cup sweetened condensed coconut milk
125g coconut Nuttelex
205g packet of Leda Arrowroot biscuits
1 teaspoon grated lemon rind
1 cup desiccated coconut

Leda biscuits happen to be gluten-free, so these Lemon Coconut Slices are now both gluten-free and animal-free! Hooray! But you could also use any other slightly sweet digestive or plain biscuit.

Warm the Nuttelex with the coconut milk in a saucepan until combined.

Melted Nuttelex and condense coconut milk

Mmm, yellowy sludge.

Beat the biscuits to a crumby pulp! I used a knife handle because I like to live dangerously. A better option might be a food processor, or putting the biscuits in a bag and pulverising them with a safer sort of less-pointy blunt object. But that’s not as fun.

Biscuit crumbs

When you are too tired to destroy the biscuits any further, justify your laziness with the idea that you really should leave a few big pieces to “add texture,” then add in the lemon rind and coconut.

Lemon rind and coconut on biscuit crumb

Add in the combined coconut milk and Nuttelex to create a sticky biscuit mixture.

Biscuit base mix

Press it into a pan and refrigerate for 1 hour until firm… aka freeze for a short time while you make the icing.

Pressed base

For the icing (frosting), I used:

2-3 cups of icing (confectioner’s) sugar
3-4 tablespoons lemon juice
1 heaped tablespoon Nuttelex
a few tablespoons of desiccated coconut

Soften the Nuttelex and combine with sifted icing sugar and lemon juice until you have a thick icing. I added extra icing powder until I had a nice thick but pliable mix. Scoop/pour on top of firm biscuit base and spread evenly.

Spreading icing

Top generously with coconut and place in the fridge (or freezer if you’re impatient like me) until firm.

Coconut on top

Cut into small squares. The original recipe suggested 18 squares and I went with it. I’d probably go with 20 small squares instead next time because sugggggarrrrrrrr.

Cut up

Delicious! Full of fresh lemony goodness!

On plates

And pretty darn sugary… and fatty af… and therefore delicious.

Low shot of biscuit base

Pretty much exactly the same as I remember… except I don’t enjoy sugar as much as I used to, so I have to go drink half a dozen cups of tea right now to cleanse myself… BRB…

Cleansing broccoli, mm

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